Saturday, February 2, 2013

If you think that's annoying...

Remember that seen in Dumb and Dumber, starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels when they are riding in a truck and Carrey's character asks, "Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?"

I'm pretty sure the writers didn't have kids. If they had, they would have known, that although that is a super-annoying noise, children produce far more annoying sounds more often and at higher decibels.

Here's my list of sounds that make me want to puncture my own eardrums, invest a horrendous amount of money on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones or just rock in the corner in a fetal position:
  • barnyard noises; the most common one in our house is a horse; one of these days I will see horses grazing in our front yard because they heard the call in their pasture
  • that song that has been on repeat for the last four hours and will be in my head for the next six days (yes, even if it is Cat Chat it's borderline torture)
  • incessant whining from the resident barbershop quartet (would it be more tolerable if they were in harmony?)
  • thump, period of silence, loud wailing (this one's not really annoying, but you never like to hear it)
  • Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. (should I be thankful it's Mom not Dad?)
  • Can I have a treat? Can I have a treat? Can I have a treat?
  • any other phrase that is repeated more than last night's re-fried bean burrito
  • I don't like [insert whatever food being served] even though they have eaten several portions of  it at each sitting for years
  • screaming that makes the ears of the dog next door bleed
  • Can I play Angry Birds? when it's the first day in a week that the temperature is above -25 C (-30 C if  you count the windchill)
  • anything between the hours of midnight and 6 am
  • oddly enough, Sara, our oldest, makes a sound that is eerily similar to the one in the movie; I remember laughing at that scene in the theatre, that sentiment no longer exists
  • all the kids humming at the same time at the table; why is it never the same tune and why does it get louder and louder?
  • any variation of Jingle Bells in the summer
  • can you wipe me?—when it comes from the bathroom
  • the he-said-she-said debate about why someone is crying
As I write this, I should have just recorded the audio coming from the background; that would have summed-up a lot of the above.

Add to the list with your favourite annoying children noises.

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